“Is this thing on? We need to chat….”
My fellow cats, it is I, Arthur. I only have a few minutes my friends. My owner has stepped out of the room and I’ve hacked into this website to warn you. There is a major crisis happening in the cat world. The humans are taking away our precious possessions. I’m not talking about our toys or food, I’m talking about the good stuff. The stuff we leave in our litter boxes.
I keep seeing my human taking little clumps out of my litter box and putting them in a bag. First off, that’s weird. Secondly, I have to ask, what exactly do they do with that stuff? Where are they taking it? I’m starting to think it’s more valuable than us cats realize. I can only think of three things it’s being used for.
1.) Cheeseburgers
My first guess is they are trading in our litter box decorations for these brown bags filled with what they call cheeseburgers. Every day I see my owner bringing these cheeseburgers into the house. They seem to eat these things as often as I fill my litter box, so I’m really starting to wonder. I also think they are getting fries with their cheeseburgers for the bigger presents we leave.
I don’t get it, are these litter box clumps like a currency to humans?
“Humans are so weird. What are they doing with this stuff?!?!?”
2.) Metal Monster Food
My second guess is that the humans are using the prized possessions to fuel these metal rolling things they call “cars”. I don’t really get how these contraptions work. I think the humans are bringing our litter box artwork to appease their metal monsters. Then the monster will roll them to places where they can get us food, so we make more gifts for the metal monsters.
It’s crazy I know, but these humans are pretty weird. Seriously, they take our beloved blobs out of the litter box and put them in bags. I can’t stress how weird that is.
“I’ve been pacing the litter box trying to solve this craziness!”
3.) They Are Trading It For Fresh Litter
My main theory is that they are somehow trading in our darling drops for this litter stuff. I went with my human to this thing they call a “pet store”, whatever that means. I saw my human talk to another human about the box of litter that says ARM & HAMMER™ Clump & Seal™ LightWeight Cat Litter on it and just like that my human was taking it to our metal monster. When we got back to my house, my human starts putting the fresh stuff in my litter box.
I mean, this isn’t the worst thing. I must admit I love the feel of fresh litter. And I guess it’s not the worst thing to replace my litter box clumps with this wonderful, soft, fresh smelling litter.
“How does this smell so good!!”
Now that I think about it, I don’t really know if us cats should be worried. Jumping into the litter box with this fresh litter stuff is actually…..pretty……perfect. But you can’t tell your human you like it! If they find out we like something, they might try and take it from us. So let’s just keep it between us, my cat compadres. Oh no! I hear my human coming back. I gotta go!
-Arthur
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